What About the Kids? by Judith S. Wallerstein is a comprehensive, research-driven, and deeply empathetic handbook for parents seeking to guide their children through the emotional complexities of divorce. Written by one of the world’s leading authorities on the effects of divorce on children, this book stands as a definitive work for families navigating separation, co-parenting, and the formation of stepfamilies.
Drawing from over thirty years of in-depth interviews with divorced parents and their children, Wallerstein offers a rare combination of scientific rigor and human compassion. She views divorce not as a single event, but as a lifelong process—a series of evolving emotional and practical challenges that reshape family dynamics over time. Through this perspective, she helps parents understand that the way they handle divorce today can have lasting effects on their children’s emotional health and future relationships.
The strength of What About the Kids? lies in its clarity and practicality. Wallerstein provides parents with concrete tools and thoughtful strategies to help children of all ages cope with the realities of divorce. Among the book’s most insightful sections are:
- The best and worst ages for children to experience their parents’ separation, and how to respond to their emotional needs at each stage.
- Right and wrong ways to explain divorce, ensuring honesty without burdening children with adult conflicts.
- Guidance on custody arrangements that prioritize a child’s stability and sense of security.
- The role of grandparents as anchors of comfort and continuity.
- How to rebuild trust and keep children emotionally balanced when introducing new partners or step-parents.
- Surprising positive effects of divorce, including opportunities for personal growth and better parenting.
Wallerstein’s writing blends compassion with authority. She acknowledges the pain and disruption that divorce can bring but refuses to let it define a child’s future. Instead, she emphasizes resilience, love, and emotional awareness as the cornerstones of successful co-parenting. Her tone is reassuring yet realistic—she neither sugarcoats the challenges nor succumbs to pessimism.
One of the book’s most profound contributions is its focus on long-term development. Wallerstein helps parents understand how the choices they make during and after divorce—how they communicate, manage conflict, and model emotional regulation—shape their children’s ability to trust, love, and form lasting relationships as adults. She shows that parents who maintain mutual respect, stability, and open communication can raise emotionally secure children, even in nontraditional family structures.
What About the Kids? is more than a parenting manual—it’s a compassionate companion for families in transition. It speaks to the heart as much as to the intellect, offering wisdom for both the immediate challenges of separation and the lifelong journey of parenting after divorce.
Judith S. Wallerstein’s work remains as relevant today as when it was first published. Her message is clear and empowering: divorce changes families, but it doesn’t have to destroy them. With patience, honesty, and love, parents can help their children not only survive divorce—but grow into emotionally healthy, resilient, and loving adults.
Author: Judith S. Wallerstein
GET YOUR COPY: What About the Kids?: Raising Your Children Before, During, and After Divorce